Believe it or not, only one of the following tales is untrue . This is to celebrate April Fool’s Day. Can you guess the red herring?
By Sally Biddall
1. Boss allegedly sacks two female employees because they turned down threesome
Two female sales executives who claim they were sacked for turning down their boss’s demands for a threesome are seeking £100,000 compensation. Anna Mazover and Diana Nicholl-Pierson allege that they were promised they would get promoted if they agreed to have sex with publishing firm sales director Darren Scott.
The graduates claim they were subjected to suggestive remarks and were constantly leered at while working for Mr Scott at Entico Corporation Ltd, a central London publishing firm.
On her first day in May last year, Mr Scott is alleged to have told Miss Mazover – who is married – that she had a “great body”, before adding: “You are very sexy. Have you ever considered working in a strip club?
2. Belgian football team practice scoring goals on women’s bottoms
Lads’ mags have been having a bit of a difficult time recently. With readerships diminishing and some shops covering them up in brown paper bags, they’re having to become even more innovative to stay in the game.
Luckily, the inventive employees over at Clint magazine rose to challenge (or not rather). The team decided to get a load of glamour models to bend over while in goal, wearing just their knickers, while Antwerp footie players kicked balls at the women’s backsides and film the whole debacle in slow-motion. You stay classy now.
3. A man in Massachusetts takes upskirt photos and a court clears him
A court in America has ruled that a man who was taking upskirt photos of women on public transport was not acting unlawfully. Apparently the bloke in questions cannot be convicted because current voyeurism laws specify that if the victim is fully clothed, it’s not an offence. Yet again we shake our fists at the creator of the camera phone and the perverts who get their paws on them.
4. Prostitution classes now available in Spain
Unemployment is pretty rife in Spain right now. So one innovator came up with ‘Prostitution Schools’. Don’t panic if your CV is looking a little bare, the credentials for this position *ahem* aren’t exactly endless; the candidate should “be at least 18, have a great presence, and not be shy”. The course provides students with intensive practical training using sex toys and learning the Karma Sutra for two hours a day, which frankly is more contact hours than you get in most undergraduate degrees in the UK.
5. Justin Bieber auditions girls to be his new girlfriend
Being the global superstar that Bieber is, you’d think he wouldn’t have to resort to auditions to bag his next girlfriend, but clearly the recent press attention has taken its toll. Ever the gentleman, a vital part of the audition process involves the potential girlfriends showcasing their ‘twerking’ skills to the singer. Well a guy needs to know if a girl can move, right?
6. A family gives mum a boob job for Mother’s Day
Usually body parts are overlooked as suitable gifts, but not for one family in Staines. Mrs Noad was apparently so unhappy with her 34AA breasts that her family clubbed together so she could have them enhanced to a more buxom 34DD for Mothering Sunday. Whatever happened to the humble box of chocolates, eh?
7. Woman is told to be ‘more discreet’ about having her period
A young woman was recently told by her boss to be ‘more discreet’ after she shamelessly took her bag with her to the toilet. Honestly, how incredibly brazen of her to flaunt her natural bodily functions in such a reckless manner.
Sally Biddall is a student journalist
